wake
by gardevoir
Summary: Some patients can't be saved, but that burden's not on you.


in which V survives the gunshot wound.  
(this is post-Seven route btw)  
please listen to _Wake_ by **The Antlers** (yes again) before or while reading this.

[ _Don't be scared to speak,  
don't speak with someone's tooth,_  
 _don't bargain when you're weak,_  
 _don't take that sharp abuse._ ]

* * *

 _ **Don't ever let anyone...**_

* * *

The last thing he remembers is a bang, a warmth spilling out from his chest that he's vaguely aware shouldn't be happening. Then, an already dark world fades out completely, the faint traces of a scream tickling his ears.

( _Everything crashes down around him._ )

* * *

Though barely registered through his eyes, he feels bright overhead lights above him, accompanied by rays of sunlight dancing upon his skin. The air here smells sterile, too clean to be natural. ' _Never thought I'd find myself here someday..._ '

He listens closely to the world around him, pinpointing the sound of someone's steady breathing off to the side. When he turns his head too quickly to study them better, his head swims with drugs he's sure have yet to completely wear off. He can't help but clutch his head and groan from the dizzy spell, stomach churning with a slightly nauseated state. Looks like waiting it out until whoever's beside him wakes up is best.

Jihyun estimates about fifteen minutes pass before the visitor wakes, hearing a low groan, their hand rubbing the preceding crack of their neck. "I see you're awake now."

It's Jumin.

"That was quite the scare you gave us. We almost lost you." The weariness he hears in his friend's voice is heavy; the executive probably doesn't even realise he's doing it as he usually disguises things like that. The guilt pairs well with the dull pain on the left side of his chest. "How are you feeling?"

He mulls over that question for a few seconds. "Honestly? Like shit." Though they both chortle—and Jihyun groans a bit with how that pulls at the stitches—both catch on to the deeper meaning behind those two words. "I'm sorry you had to see me in such a state… and that you had to take me here… but thank you." He offers a polite smile from where he lies, near-dead eyes staring up at what he presumes is the ceiling. "How's Saeyoung? And Saeran?"

"… _Managing_." There's a thick layer of stress and irritation that surrounds his reply, the patient having to disguise his chuckle as a cough; they've clearly been friends for too long, as Jumin knows better what with the glare he can feel directed towards him. His expression lets up when the other groans in pain again. "… Now that we're on the subject actually, Jaehee and I need to know if you wish to press ch—"

"No." The answer is immediate in cutting him off, preceding a working jaw and hands that bundle sheets in between them. "I've caused both Saeyoung _and_ Saeran enough suffering for a lifetime. It'd be a miracle if I could get his forgiveness at this point, much less get him to even speak to me again." His eyes close slowly, a deep breath passing through his nose. "And Rika?"

Jumin doesn't answer.

( _He can only hope she's alright._ )

* * *

It's been a week since he had been admitted, he's told. How irksome.

That means that's how long Jumin had gone without answering his question. Seven whole days? Why the hell is he even avoiding it in the first place? Does he not deserve to know what had happened to her?

As soon as black hair and matching shoes step through the door, the same question he's parroted for that half a fortnight spills from his lips. "How's Rika?"

His response is a sigh. "V, I think you have more important matters to concern yourself with such as recovering. Everything outside of that can come once you've been discharged."

"I understand if my lie about her being dead has caused your consideration for her to disappear, but she's still my fiancee, Jumin. I need to know if she's okay. She's much more than just an important matter for me to concern myself with." It's rare to have him snap at someone, even more so at his very best friend, but the faint memory of her scream has haunted him since then. How has she been faring not hearing that things will be alright? That _he_ will be alright?

Just like with every other argument he'd made, his friend merely sighs through his nose this time following his statements, letting a few beats of silence pass them by before changing the subject altogether.

And pretending he doesn't notice the way the patient's teeth clench and nails dig into the mattress. At once, he's both thankful and remorseful that Jihyun's too beaten down to continue to challenge him at the moment.

( _How much_ _longer_ _is he going to be left in the dark?_ )

* * *

"We held your funeral today. I felt you had the right to know."  
The silence that conquers the room is almost deafening, saved by the consistent beeps of the heart monitor in the background—its pattern quickens just enough for both parties to take notice of it.

"I… may have been here for two and a half weeks now, but rest assured, I'm still _very much_ alive." The laugh he offers is dry, void of any amusement, reflective of the dead expression on his face.

"Everyone but the most important person is very aware of this fact, V," Jumin clarifies, clearing his throat. "I just felt that if any of the others brought it up at some point, you would already be well-informed." Though his speech ends with a tone of finality, he braces himself for the interrogation that will follow… and the aftermath his answers will leave in their wake.

"'Everyone but the most important?' What does that even mean…? Why did you hold a fake funeral for me? … Who didn't you tell?" Somehow, he feels he already knows the answer to that last one.

"Well… Rika."

"God _dammit_ , Jumin!" ' _Aaaaand there it is._ ' "You can't just lie to her like that! Are we just gonna pretend to forget how Sally's death affected her!? It's what got us into this whole damn mess in the first place!" Jihyun doesn't bother to lower his voice, nor does his friend stop him. "I can't imagine what this would even _begin_ to do to her!" The punch he throws at the mattress below him only partially muffles the sound of the impact. "I'm supposed to be her _sun_ , Jumin! Her sun! Tell me, how is she supposed to live without her sun!?"

His voice crackles, choking on sobs he struggles to suppress, tears splattering on the sheets beneath his chin. Jumin breathes in deep, fiddling with the cuff on his left wrist as he exhales just as heavily. "Despite my practiced calm in telling you that, it was not an easy decision for any of us to make." His long strides carry him over to his designated chair, composed and proper in the seat. "But it was something all the other members of the RFA and myself agreed upon. We felt that this would be good for the both of you—"

" _Who are you to decide what is or isn't good for us?_ " Though the volume of his voice is low and broken, the anger lying underneath does not go overlooked. "I can't believe this." He laughs darkly, a hand running through wild teal hair. "… I can't live without her either."

The executive's grunt of irritation only fuels the fire that had just begun to quell. "I apologise if this all sounds ridiculous to you, _as someone who's never had a lasting relationship_ , but our connection is deeper than anything _you'd_ ever understand! After all, how could I expect a _robot_ of all things to feel any sort of sympathy for anyone?"

That had been the final straw for him.

" _It was what was best for_ _ **you**_ _, Jihyun!_ Can't you see how much she's changed you!? She isn't good for you anymore!" He stands now, his tight fists at his sides and booming voice the signs of his crumbling composure. "She _blinded_ you, for God's sake! And yet you're still going to sit here and tell me you _need_ her? Don't be fucking absurd." His tone carries a hard edge to it, one neither has heard from him in quite some time. Both inflection and dictation stun the other into silence, the younger one utilizing the opportunity.

"This… has been a long time coming… too long, if I'm being honest. I had my concerns, but I really should have voiced them sooner." He sighs, a layer of regret paired with it. "I don't expect any of what I said to get through to you just yet, but until it begins to, I don't think I can stand to be around you. Hopefully the next time I visit, you've gained some sensibility."

His shoes clack softly as he exits, his exclamations ringing in the older one's head.

( _H_ _ad he_ _always_ _been privy to what_ _had been_ _thought_ _of him?_ )

* * *

Ten days go by before he hears Jumin come through his door again.

"I heard some interesting results from the doctor." Their previous conversation is swept under the rug from the start—Jihyun doesn't particularly want to discuss any parts of it right now anyway.

He's had a lot to consider, and much more to unravel.

"Yeah? Are these results the reason behind why I'm still here even after being well enough to go home?" He doesn't move from his position to face the executive, body turned toward the window with his eyes closed, basking in the sunlight streaming through.

"Indeed, it is." He sits cross-legged on the chair this time, hands folding in his lap. "Your left eye is too far gone to fix, but if you decide within the next week, they'll be able to salvage your right eye." He stops there, waiting to hear what the patient has to say on the matter.

The reflective expression on Jihyun's face quickly sours, but still he stays in place. "As nice as that would be… this may not be to _satisfy_ her anymore, but perhaps this is my punishment. For… not being able to _save_ her. A repentance for what both she and I have done to the RFA."

A disgruntled noise sounds off from behind him, as well as a shuffle of fabric, elbows perching atop knees as fingers mesh together. "No, none of those were ever true to begin with. Your blindness is the result of someone manipulative and abusive taking advantage of someone as self-sacrificing as you." Slender fingers card through black hair, lungs exhaling a hard breath as he looks down at his hands. "She's not here anymore, you know. All the way in god-knows-where, Alaska, in fact. You won't be seeing here ever again." He pauses, lifting his head to stare at his best friend's back. "You're allowed to be happy now. Truthfully, you were never restricted from being so in the first place."

He studies the figure as once-tightened shoulders begin to relax, but only ever so slightly. The air stills, a thoughtful quiescence settling within the room. "… I'll let you know what I decide in three days time. Fair?" he says, voice barely above a whisper.

"Alright," Jumin replies, following a few nods as he stands once more to take steps towards the bed. He extends a hand to Jihyun's shoulder, hesitating for just a second before settling his hand there. "I appreciate you bearing with everything I've thrown at you so far."

"And _I_ appreciate you letting me have a choice this time."

Hearing the comment made with no malice to be found, he chortles, patting his shoulder before his hands slides off, body turning toward the exit. "I can only just barely fathom how difficult everything must have been for you up to now. And all you've endured gets only my deepest respect and admiration." Despite the patient being turned away, he smiles softly at him regardless, showing himself the door.

With his hand on the doorknob, he pauses, eyes focused on the frame in front of him, but mouth addressing who lies behind. "You never deserved any of that, you know. Don't ever let anyone say or do such things to you ever again."

( _He doesn't feel he deserves such a great friend either._ )

* * *

' _Well that's a new habit_ ,' he thinks as he observes his friend twisting the ring on his left finger round and round; he takes note of every unfocused sight he sees as they sit quietly in the backseat of Jumin's company car. The doctor heavily recommended he visit an optometrist before he left the hospital that morning.

After over a month in the hospital, he had finally been freed… though with it, the frustrations he'd been battling with had followed him out as well.

Neither party speaks the whole ride to Jihyun's house, both absorbed in their own thoughts; there had been a few things the head of black wanted to ask, but he feels they can wait for later, when his friend is visibly more stable. After all, it's his fault that the other's faith and foundation had been shaken and basically destroyed.

Before the head of teal steps out of the car, he grabs his wrist, holding his gaze despite the wildly displeased look his captive holds. "I already saved you the trouble of scheduling an optometrist appointment. You meet with them tomorrow. I'll text you the details later." He frowns for a moment, then adds, "Your phone is on your nightstand. Everything else remains… untouched."

There's a tone of voice there that Jihyun doesn't quite understand the purpose of, brow furrowing as he pulls his wrist away. "… Thanks." Offering no other actions of parting, he finally steps out, watching the car depart before turning to face his apartment building.

'… _Ah. I get it now._ ' Though blurry in his eye, the infamously famous picture that sits in the center of the living room drudges up memories better left forgotten for now. The photographs of happier days together lie strewn about throughout the house… just the way he'd left it.

Just like Jumin said.

Sighing, he simply pads over to their— _his—_ bedroom, too exhausted from his extended stay at the hospital to care enough about anything else at the moment.

( _He wonders why this can't all just be a horrible nightmare._ )

* * *

Nine days. He lasts nine days before he finally returns a message to Jumin, telling him someone needs to remove all traces of his ex. Preferably _before_ he loses his goddamn mind.

Nine is the number of visits Jumin had paid since dropping him off as well, each encounter having been met with a locked bedroom door and a tenant unwilling to exchange more than three words with their visitor.

Jihyun just really, _really_ doesn't want to talk right now.

Unfortunately, because he catches him when the executive is busy and he doesn't want strangers left to their own devices to figure out what is or isn't Rika's, the tenant waits another four days before he hears his front door unlock. And like with each visit, he's locked away, though in the bathroom this time because he hadn't anticipated visitors today—only reading a preview of the texts one chooses not to check tends to cause things like that to happen.

"V?" Jumin calls after a knock from the other side of the door, the one the addressee turns away from in favour of studying his toes. He's too busy curling up in the corner with the towel draping over him to answer. "Well, your bedroom door is open and this seems to be the only locked door in the house, so I'll just assume you're in here… I've come with help to take all of Rika's things away so we shall be in and out."

The tenant remains steadfast, a squatter in the bathroom as he hears ambient chatter and heavy footsteps taking away the items stalling his healing, tainting his recovery. He fiddles with his glasses before touching up the bathroom to pass the time, a silent refusal to leave with his best friend out there.

It doesn't take too long; about forty-five minutes pass before there's a knock at the door once again. "We've finished, so we'll be leaving now. Her things will be in storage until you give me a definitive answer with what I should do with them. I'll… see you later, V."

He waits a for a few moments before finally getting up from his seat on the lid of the toilet, hand on the knob stilling in surprise when he hears the voice speak up again. "Since it seems you do not wish to see me, or even speak to me, I will not be visiting anymore after today." The formal voice with his choice of words stings. "When you're ready to do so, you know how to reach me. Goodbye, Jihyun."

And just like that, the house is emptier, void of all the things that had once brought warmth.

( _He_ _can't recall a time_ _the house has ever been this cold before._ )

* * *

With how he'd hurt everyone and how he'd consistently pushed them away, it had been very easy for him to begin to wallow in the dark, doors locked and blinds drawn. They hadn't needed to tell him that he'd lost the right to call upon them, the people he'd once considered friends.

A month passes and the number of calls and texts he receives soon dwindles down to zero a day, a bitter smile on his lips the first week that number reigns supreme. ' _Maybe I should have died after all. This is basically the same thing, isn't it?_ '

He doesn't bother to keep his cellphone on anymore, putting it away in the top drawer of his nightstand; the one piece of technology he makes use of now is the television; its bright screen makes for dull company as he arranges jigsaw puzzles, the last remnant of any semblance of his old life.

But after three weeks more of no contact, the loneliness sinks in too deep to bear willingly. Though forcing optimism into his thoughts, he doubts anyone will want to hear from him now that he's left them with the impression of an apathetic, uncaring, _former_ friend.

The phone chimes with a single message upon start-up, sent three days ago from the one person he'll never be able to shake.

[ _ **한주민**_ _ **(19:42):**_ _Hello, Jihyun. I hope you're well. Though I don't quite understand what you're going through, I know you've had more than enough to think_ _about for quite some time. And perhaps I should have made it clear from the beginning, but you don't have to go through this alone._

 _I know I'm not very good with things like this—truthfully, I feel a bit strange sending this to you—but for everything you've done for me all these years, this is the least I can do for you. For your sake, I want to overcome my shortcomings, so that you can move on and heal from this. Please, please let me know how you're doing soon. You're my best friend; it's only natural that I worry about you._

 _And… the RFA forgives you. Unanimously. Even Saeyoung and Saeran. We miss you. Please get in contact with us soon. Even if it isn't me you choose to talk to, just please say something. We're waiting for you._

 _Be well._ ]

He doesn't know when it had happened, but he wipes at his cheeks, sniffling away what had threatened to leak from his nose. With shaky hands and breath, he dials the number he's come to memorise for years now, unable to hold his airy laugh when it rings only once before being picked up.

"Hello, Jumin. If you're willing to forgive this late reply, I'd be happy to have you visit. I… have some things I want to explain. It might take all night, with how much I have to say, but if that's fine with you..."

( _He knows this is finally a step in the right direction._ )

* * *

Though the house is filled with just seven people, the boisterous laughter bounces off the walls, air filled with animated chatter and exaggerated movements. And he doesn't want it any other way.

Saeyoung tries to find a place for all twenty spoons on his face, much to the chagrin of Saeran; his expression of disapproval is shared with Jaehee who watches with him on her right, Yoosung egging on the older twin to her left. Ryu stares in confusion behind him, having stepped into the kitchen for another drink, but becoming distracted with Saeyoung's antics.

Both Jihyun and Jumin sit on his couch and ottoman respectively, facing each other as the former laughs while the latter recounts a recent tale of how Elizabeth 3rd had managed to single-handedly prevent a large-scale company merger, simply by being too beautiful to lift off of the papers on his desk. When the conversation flows into a question of if he's feeling better, he nods, though his response isn't entirely true.

( _But he thinks sometimes just okay's an okay state of mind too._ )

* * *

 _ **tell you you deserve that.**_

* * *

 _ **author's notes**_

there wasn't a lot about V to go off of so I just wrote him like a typical Virgo ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

also Jumin's married to whoever you want him to be married to idk + idc  
{save for V obvs}

also this isn't my best work but personally this felt very cathartic to write and read myself  
I needed this.

(ff where the hell is my right align option already...)


End file.
